A person may acquire and earn good manners
by way of training (himself), working hard at it and through constant
practice. So he may obtain good manners through one of the following
methods:
First: By contemplating on the Book of Allah and the Sunnah of His Messenger:
One should look up the texts that show the virtue of the particular
noble characteristic that he wishes to characterize himself with. This
is since, when a believer sees some texts that praise a characteristic
or action, he implements them. [1]
The Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) indicated this when he said:
“The example of a good
companion and an evil companion is like that of a seller of musk and a
blacksmith. The seller of musk either sells you (perfume), gives you
free samples or you get a pleasing smell from him. As for the example of
an evil companion – such as a blacksmith – he either burns your clothes
or you get a nasty smell from him.” [2]
[Reported by Al-Bukhari (no. 2101 and 5534) and Muslim (no. 146)]
Second: He should accompany those
who are known for having good manners whilst staying far away from those
who possess bad manners and poor actions. This is such that he
turns this companionship of his into an educational institute that
assists him in (his goal of) obtaining good manners.
The Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said:
“A man is upon the religion of his close friend, so let each of you look into whom he takes as a close friend.”
[Reported by At-Tirmidhee (no. 2378) who
said it was hasan saheeh, Abu Dawood (no. 4833), Ahmad in al-Musnad
(2/303, 334) and deemed hasan (sound) by Al-Albaani in Saheeh-ul-Jaami’
as-Sagheer (no. 3545) and Silsilat-ul-Ahaadeeth as-Saheehah (no. 927).]
Third: He should reflect on the consequences that come as a result of having bad manners.
This is since a person with bad manners is despised. A person with bad
manners is forsaken. A person with bad manners is always talked about in
a bad way. So when one comes to realize that bad manners will lead him
to all of this, he will then keep away from it.
Fourth: He should always envision
an image of the Prophet’s (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) manners and
how he (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) would humble himself before the
creation, being kind to them, forgiving to them and patient with their
harm. So if a person visualizes the Prophet’s character and the
fact that he was the best of mankind and the greatest of those who
worshipped Allah, he will then perceive a low image of himself and at
this point the influence that arrogance has over him will be shattered
and this will cause him to have good manners.
From:
Makaarim-ul-Akhlaaq (pg. 32-35)
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